Friday, June 11, 2010


Well, it's been a busy two weeks in our house.

Two weeks ago, I came home from my job devastated, knowing that I couldn't work there any more and be happy. There were many, many reasons for that, but suffice it to say that it was clear to me that my time to move on was now.

I hadn't arrived at that conclusion quickly. In fact, I've been working on it for quite awhile. Should I get a doctorate? Should I apply for a more advanced position? Should I dedicate more time at home with my children? Should I spend more time writing (a rediscovered, passionate love of mine)?

In the hours following my conclusion about my job, my husband told me that if I felt it was time to move back east, he would support that. He, too, has struggled this year for a lot of different reasons. And suddenly, quickly, the decision was made that we would move east in August. In the meantime, my daughter and I would go visit my parents beginning June 1st and come back at the beginning of August, hopefully scoping out jobs and whatnot and having a relaxing summer.

Then came the night, five days before our departure, when my husband sat me down and told me he thought we should all move. Not in August. Now. And I found myself, selfishly, thinking, "I wanted THIS summer! This summer to enjoy!"

As I thought about what he was proposing (basically a move in two weeks), I realized he was right. Neither of us are employed at the current moment. This gives both of us the opportunity to get settled over the summer and be looking. It gives our kids a chance to get used to a new place before school starts. It saves us rent money, because we'll be residing in my grandmother's house. And I found myself excited.

In the past two weeks, I've gone through a wide array of emotions, spanning everything from God-I-can't-wait excitement to the despair that comes in recognizing you will be losing so many wonderful people in your life. I have a strong belief that God brought us here for very meaningful reasons, including the love and care of the two children we call our own. I have just as strong a belief that He is bringing us back east to be near and with my family, whom I dearly love and who need our emotional support. But it is difficult to think of giving up relationships with so many wonderful people I have come to know. Some days it's just downright overwhelming to think of the distance between so many of these people who have changed my life. And because a lot of these relationships have stemmed from my job, it makes me even more sad to be giving up the opportunity to teach the students I work with. I'll miss all of them.

Life is full of difficult decisions. Preparing for this move has shown me that I have to prepare not only physically but mentally as well. I've had to give away a lot of our material possessions and have done so without looking back. It has also humbled me to see how much a family of four can accumulate. Is it really what we need?

I have talked with my children about this move, and all that we will have waiting for us, and that the most important thing we need to have is each other. I know that kids don't get that, but it's been a good reminder for me. All I need in this move, really, are my husband, my kids, and my sweet Gabi...and my parents and brother waiting for me on the east coast. Everything else is extra.

But boy, even after giving away so much, do we have a lot of extra!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Post #60

Ah. Post number sixty. The big six-oh.

You'll have to excuse me a bit. I went to bed a little early last night and woke up way early this morning. A little after midnight, to be exact. So I'm operating on very little sleep and feeling a little, well, what we would call "slap happy".

This year has been a tough one for our family. I've blogged quite a bit about my son, as well as my own struggles. But our whole family has struggled, like most families in our country, trying just to make ends meet in this horrific economy. Coupled with my husband's physical problems and my parents' health problems, my husband and I made a decision--rather suddenly--to move closer to my family.

So we have approximately twelve days to pack our tiny, nine hundred square foot house. We can do it, I have no doubt. But I'm overwhelmed just thinking about it. Our daughter is excited about the move--thrilled actually--and wanted to begin packing right away. She's referring to it as an 'adventure' and I'm so glad she's looking at it that way. Her brother's response has been more the opposite, although he's growing more used to the idea. Me? Apparently I'm not sleeping!!!

Truth is, I hate moving. I've hated it every single time I've done it, back to when I was seven years old, although that move wasn't quite as bad because I didn't have to lug all this junk everywhere. The worst part of that move is my favorite teddy bear--you know, you had one too...the one you slept with every night of your life?--got lost in the move. I never found him again. Devastation. Ironically, my other favorite teddy bear, which I had given to my son a few years ago, also disappeared. Maybe they're hanging out together in some bear club.

Here's another thing. I'm really missing Criminal Intent. No, not the old ones and definitely not that crap they're passing off as a TV show now. I'm missing my Goren and Eames, even with the crappy writers and storylines and whatnot. I miss seeing them every week. Like good friends you know you'll be getting together with every week. Eh. I've watched reruns quite a bit lately to destress. But there's something missing. Oh! It would be the element of SURPRISE!!!

Well, I'm going to go back to relaxing as I watch Billy the Exterminator. Billy is my solid proof that Andy Warhol was right: there is definitely fifteen minutes of fame out there for everyone. I've never watched this show before. It's amazing what you'll watch in the early morning on no sleep. Anything beats the news, though--even Billy.