Monday, December 26, 2011

A Not-So-Friendly Reminder from your Hidden Disorder

Holy fucking jesus christ.

Sorry Jesus.

Sometimes, with as much work and medication we've gone through, that we can slide by and nearly forget the attachment disorder.

I was chatting with a friend yesterday who said, "What happened?  Weren't you telling me he was doing well?"

Well, he was.  Then three things have happened that have contributed to difficulty and stress for this child and our family as a whole.

First, I quit my job.  I was so stressed I couldn't sleep at night.  It was making my illness go crazy.  So I quit.  Maybe not the wisest, but I did it anyway.  I'm not sure if the skipping school started before that or after, but the grade issues have been all year.  He was taken out of regular classes and put in honors classes this year, and he seems to feel he's not smart enough.  Ha.

Next, his biological family visited.  His older half sister and maternal grandmother.  A day later he tried smoking and he skipped school.  His older sister has pictures on her Facebook page that would make a hooker blush.  Arguing grew, and so did his disobedience and nastiness.

Finally, the decision was made for my husband to move back to our home state to try to find employment.  It's been a hard decision, but this child has lost his mind.  He's convinced everything is done TO him.  That he's the only one who needs to be considered.

And that tormentor, attachment disorder, has reared its ugly head again at the reality of his dad leaving.

In the last week, I've been called everything from a child abuser to someone who should never have children.  I'm stupid, hateful, a loser, get the point.  And it doesn't come out nicely, either (would anyone expect it would?).  It comes out in shrieks and screams and booming yells that only an wounded adolescent in pain can create.  Every once in awhile I can see the fleeting panic and pain in his face.  And I wonder if he can see the pain in mine.

We saw the psychiatrist again the other day.  I don't think he knows what the hell he's talking about.  He babbles on and on about ADHD and sleeping problems.  His cure is a medication to help the child sleep.  I think the child has a full blown sleep disorder.  The psychiatrist says he isn't bipolar but his mood swings are massive and quick, and he spirals like crazy.  ADHD is often a cross diagnosis or misdiagnosis for attachment disorder.  My biggest concern is this child often talks about his depression and yet the psychiatrist refuses to treat it.  So what to do?  Get a new psychiatrist?

I often wonder if I'm one of those people who knows just enough about this to be dangerous.  Probably.  But I strongly believe that regardless of whatever else is going on, this child is struggling with depression, and I don't see how bipolar disorder can be ruled out, given how he cycles.

So where does this leave us?  With a husband who's moving, a very angry teenager, an unemployed and sick mother, and an almost teen girl thrown in the mix.  Stay tuned for our next adventure...but lest we forget, attachment disorder never really goes away.  It lies below the surface, ready to grapple its hooks right into any shakeup.