Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I was just chatting with a friend online who was watching a marathon of "What Not to Wear".  In case you happen to be one of the, oh, three people whose been buried in the sand for the last several years, What Not to Wear is a show that documents the hideous outfits people wear and then teach them how to dress more appropriately (along with stealing their wardrobes and giving them a $5000 visa card for new clothes).  At any rate, the hosts, Clinton and Stacy, are a hilarious pair.  If you enjoy watching out people's humiliation (done in good humor but offensive of wardrobe nonetheless), you should tune in.

My friend had watched enough of the show today to make a comment that she was DYING to get a new wardrobe.  New clothes, new shoes, new everything.  And who wouldn't?  Not only do you get five grand to blow on clothes and shoes how you  (and the two obnoxious Jimminy Crickets) see fit, they also give you a complete hair and makeup restyling.  And let me tell you, this mother here could use a little restyling in more than one way!

The whole thing got me wondering, as I glanced down at my brown (once nice) shirt and my three year old jeans (whose zipper came undone in the middle of class today--I will be forever scarred by one of my students raising her hand to say, 'um, this is completely off topic but your fly is down'.)  As I read my friend's comments, I saw my long, wavy hair hanging straight with a few strands of waves toward the bottom, split ends, brassy coloring, and the increasing gray.  I imagined myself looking in the mirror, noting the lack of makeup.  I didn't bother today.  The rosacea, the ungroomed eyebrows, the acne scars.  And I found myself thinking, WHERE IS MY CARMINDY???  How come I don't get my own makeup artist every day?  Where should I go to get my hair colored?  Should I go for a smoky eye look or a more natural one?  Is it time to get rid of the old brown shirt?  How long SHOULD one hold on to a pair of jeans, especially when the back of the leg bottoms are splitting and coming apart?  In other words,  What would Stacy and Clinton do???

I find that to be a very good question.  I can picture Clinton staring horrified into my closet at my ill-fitting shirts, my tees with nothing to layer over them, my soft cup bras and my leggings.  Stacy would be laughing hysterically, tossing all I own into a trash can, asking where the nearest thrift store is so she can return the items I have.  Very funny, Stacy and Clinton.  That is my life we're talking about!

I wear the brown shirt to teach in and think I look okay.  Some of my clothes I'm not crazy about, but some I kind of like and want to hang on to...like my leggings.  What's wrong with a pair of leggings and an oversized shirt for a casual day?  I admit, I'm not batting off the men, but I don't go to the store to attract them.  I go to purchase what I need.  I haven't noticed anybody staring--in fact, I'm more likely to notice young men with their pants hanging down to their thighs and their boxers sticking out, or young women wearing extremely tight fitting tops that bare their midsections.  And the heels...how does anyone wear those heels?  God I want to wear those four inchers, but I know as soon as I stepped in I'd be falling down.

What would Stacy and Clinton do?  That is the question.  My friend mentioned that we should make rubber band bracelets that say WWS&CD?  Maybe we should, to help us remember to buy the most attractive clothing and shoes possible.  Or maybe we should just forget about Stacy and Clinton and be whoever we already are.