Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Learning from One Another—Day 220


So today is an okay day physically.

In the last several weeks, I've been investing some time into making some new friends.  Granted, most of them are online, but I'm okay with it.  Today I got an email from one of my new friends who is having a hard time.  His problems are in personal relationships, and it's one of those situations where it's clear as an objective outsider what is probably going on, but something he can't see.

It made me sad for him; so sad I wished I could be there to comfort him and tell him it would be okay, everything would work out, that he's going through growing pains and they always hurt but if he pushes himself, he WILL grow and WILL be successful at what he wants.  But again, the only one who can figure that out for sure is him.

When I listen to this particular person talk, her reminds me so much of myself that it's eery.  We have the same hangups, the same types of problems, but we handle them with opposite coping skills in many ways.  Neither of us are good at caring for ourselves.  I can see that in him and my first instinct is to help, but I know he has to figure out how to help himself.  How?  Because I'm having to figure out the same thing.

It hurts to see someone you care about hanging themselves with the same rope over and over again.  I wonder now if that's how my friends and family feel...if that's why some of my friends have taken a step back.  They realize there is nothing more they can do other than be supportive of my own process.

We all have our "aha!" moments in life, and this may be one of them for me.  Seeing my friend struggle for solid footing makes me realize how much I do the same thing, and how easy it is for me to tell him what to do to gain that footing for himself.  But I need to know how to develop my own strong footing, and no amount of somebody else's yammering is going to make that happen.  It will only happen when I'm ready to do it myself.

So to my new friend, you are in my thoughts and prayers.  You're a good person and need to remember that.  Handle yourself as gently as you would a child you care for, because when you're hurting we all revert back to scared children.  And I hope you'll talk to me when you're ready.  I think you're awesome.

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