Day who the hell knows?
Pain-4
Anxiety-5
Exhaustion-5

So it's twelve thirty a.m. and I'm up watching Storage Wars and debating about watching old episodes of Criminal Intent.

About a month or so ago I came to the realization that I am going through a midlife crisis.  One of my friends posted as a response on Facebook that she was so sorry.  For me, I didn't necessarily feel sorry.  I didn't feel happy about it either.  It just was.

But in the last month, I've come to realize what that means for me.  It means that I'm 42 years old and I'm suddenly looking at my life with a new perspective.  I have a lot left to do.  I have a lot of people left to meet.  This is my life here, folks.  And it didn't end when I stopped being mommy to little kids and we all moved into new roles.

Monday I'm going to a hookah lounge with a new friend.  And he's male.  How about that?  I have a man friend who's just a friend and is taking me to smoke from a hookah pipe.  Because why, you ask?  Because I'm curious and I've never done it!  Good enough for me!  I'm working my job and it's a new job and I'm learning new things.  I'm drinking salted caramel mochas.  I'm interviewing for babysitting jobs with kids that may be interesting to me.  And I love my kids.

So I don't know why I'm writing tonight other than to say that a year ago I thought my life just hurt.  I cried and lay in bed and was depressed and didn't think I'd be able to do anything, ever.  And now I'm better.  I'm happier.  And I'm happy to be alive to try the things I'm getting to try.

Who knew that there really was a woman under the mommy suit, someone who likes certain things and dislikes others?