I slept a lot today. Actually, I woke up in the middle of the night, convinced that it was morning, until I saw outside and realized it was still dark. For whatever reason, I've been really tired this week. I've just tried to go with the flow, something I probably shouldn't do, but I have. I've walked with the dogs a few times, made my therapy appointment, had lunch out with my mother, and spent a lot of time thinking about how I'm going to make peace with my former job.
For a year I avoided posting anything negative about my resignation out of an attempt to remain professional. I finally gave in to my pain and posted some information that was still anonymous--no names or identifying information--and was stunned by the responses I have received. Students that I never even thought I affected posted ways that I had impacted their teaching. My cynical side wonders if some of what people said was just an effort to make me feel better. Even if it was, though, it means I achieved exactly what I aimed for--building a trusting relationship with my students.
I'm so humbled by so many expressions of caring and love; of these young women writing me both publicly and privately how I enhanced their lives and their teaching. One of the things I've always had in my mind is how many people I was ultimately touching. By teaching future educators, I'm leaving an imprint on all the children they will one day teach. It was critical to me that all of my students were well prepared for the classroom.
Every educator has certain aspects of teaching they focus on more heavily than others. We all have a "lens" that impacts what we do or say and how we see things. Our experiences form that lens. One of the more difficult aspects of teaching adults is helping them to see learning through a new lens--the child's. Sure, we've all been kids before, but often our experiences are so removed from us, so far away, that we don't accurately remember how it feels or how we thought as children. My job was to help students dust off the old pictures and examine them in a new light.
And for many of them, I helped them to do just that. After several years together, you get to know people and appreciate their personalities, their strengths, and their struggles. I got to work with some wonderful people. In turn, they have spread love of learning to many, many children. That's a fantastic prospect.
I know God has a calling for me here. I just haven't figured it out yet. I'll be happy when I do, though--extremely happy to do His work again.